Tetris S (Saturn) Review

I’m still in the middle of reviewing all my puzzle games, when all of a sudden this place gets overrun with damn dirty apes! As luck would have it though, I do have *one* game that involves a chimp in some form, and it’s none other than a puzzle game! And that puzzle game is…

A Tetris game.

A Tetris game.

What is Tetris? WELL, it’s a game where different-shaped blocks are falling down, and you move and rotate them about to try to make full lines of blocks. You lose if the blocks–what the hell, you all know what Tetris is.

Tetris is a good puzzle game, one you can pick up and play anytime no problem. Perfect for on-the-go and high score-battle gaming. If I were rating the franchise as a whole, I don’t know, I’d probably give it a 3/5 or something. I just like Columns and Puyo Puyo better, okay? I feel the strategy in Tetris is much more straightforward than those two, and I personally grow tired of repeatedly setting up the stage for a tetris (i.e. clearing out four rows with a line block). Tetris is super-important in video game history and has a really catchy song and all, but it’s not the only good puzzle game out there!

“Reset Tears, none of us care about what you think about Tetris. Are you ever going to get to the CHIMP? We were promised chimps.”

"Ooh-ooh-ooh UAH HAH"

“Ooh-ooh-ooh UAH HAH”

You know what else is overrated? Monkeys. That’s right, I went there. Monkeys are a 1/5 in my book. They’re loud and smelly, and if they become a bit smarter they’ll almost certainly all go Planet of the Apes on us. A lose-lose situation whether you’re at the zoo, or in a bizarre post-apocalyptic setting. Or, as it turns out, in a random import Tetris release.

Tetris S (the S stands for SUCK) is a bare-bones release of Tetris for the Saturn, brought to you by the world-renowned developer Bullet-Proof Software (the creators of classics such as Halo 2, Dig Dug, and Zatch Bell: Mamodo Battles). You can play either a regular 1-player game, or a 2-player versus mode (either against the CPU or an actual second player). And… that’s it! Well, there’s an options menu too I guess.

“But Reset Tears, what about–”

Yes, yes, the chimp! If your opponent is clearing out multiple lines at a time, the monkey will decide to throw a banana onto your playing field, and somehow that banana turns into a bunch of random Tetris blocks that fall down really fast. But unfortunately the game in general just doesn’t play as well as it should. I feel there’s a slight delay to block movement? The game just doesn’t feel as snappy as I’m used to in Tetris games. It’s clunky! Like a slow, dumb chimp. Thankfully I only payed a hundred yen for this game.

I imagine the game Tetris Plus will be the better alternative for your Saturn. Just gauging from screenshots, the game looks a lot better and has more modes to work with (e.g. a puzzle mode with Indiana Jones-ish characters). I say go with that instead. Or use your hundred yen to buy a bunch of umaibou?

Author: Reset Tears

Giantfly is killed. You gained 30 experience points. Giantfly had a treasure chest. Do you want to open it? (Yes) There are 98 mesetas inside.

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2 Comments

  1. And here I thought Tetriss would star a hissing snake. Tetrissssssssssssssssssssssss.

    DISAPPOINTED!

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