– Tastes like actual Rice Krispies Treats…but a cereal
– Doesn’t gross up your milk
– Is less than $3 a box [Editor’s Note: NOT ANYMORE!]
– They actually fill the box up. No dead air here!
– Still snaps, crackles, and also pops
– Is a good source of Vitamin D (says so on the box!)
– The only place you can buy it is Amazon.com
– Sometimes when they ship it to you the UPS guy gets jealous and bangs it up, breaking up your treats bits
– I can eat a whole box in one sitting. That isn’t very cost effective.
– It’s “Rice Krispies” not “Rice Krispy,” meaning my mom lied to me and my entire childhood is a fabrication
– Makes all other cereals seem boring and stupid, even the amazing Waffle Crisp
I know what you are thinking. “Why the heck is he reviewing cereal on a media site?” Well, I don’t actually have a legitimate answer for you. I just really like Rice Krispies Treats Cereal, and since I recently discovered you can buy it off Amazon.com (which is the only place I’ve found where you can still get it), I figured I’d review it. Plus I’ve burned through six boxes in like two weeks, so I’m on a perpetual sugar high.
Like this, only cereal.
Rice Krispies Treats Cereal is the best cereal. I could list off dozens of reasons, but the first and foremost is that it finally fulfills a promise made (and broken) by countless other cereals: it has the taste of *insert cereal title here* in every bite. Waffle Crisp? It tastes like syrup, but certainly doesn’t have the taste of waffles in every bite, despite what the commercials say. Apple Jacks doesn’t have the real taste of apple in every bite, it has the taste of chemicals in every bite. And Chex…what the heck is a “Chex” anyway?
Rice Krispies Treats Cereal literally tastes like Rice Krispies Treats in every single bite. Yeah, they aren’t as super-sweet as my wife makes them (she admitted to like…doubling the butter count in her version, so that might be why), and when they are in milk it sort of fuses the flavors, but it actually tastes like the thing it is representing. If you eat the chunks raw, you are eating Rice Krispies Treats. Well, technically you are eating the cereal version, but it’s like you are eating the real ones…you know what? I think you get it.
Another perk to Rice Krispies Treats: The Cereal (which it shall henceforth be called) is the fact that it’s sugary but not gross. I have come to terms with the fact that I’m on the “wrong side of twenty,” which in layman’s terms means I’m old as balls. Sugary cereals just don’t do it for me anymore, they make my tongue and mouth all covered in nastiness, they give me a weird buzz I don’t like, and the marshmallows are totally not real.
How could you lie to me, Lucky? We red-heads are supposed to stick together!
Yes, I’m well on my way to chewing raw granola and wheat-bran (might as well just forego the milk and gnaw wheat stalks for breakfast in the next few years). But for now I’ve luckily found a cereal that fuses the cavity-inducing sugar of my childhood with the bland-boring flavor of old people cereal: Rice Krispies Treats: The Cereal! It has just enough sugar to be delicious, but tempered enough that I don’t feel like puking after I eat it. I do, however, tend to eat like three bowls at a time, so I’m still probably juicing myself up on sugar far worse than I ever did when I was a child. Oh well, you only live once.
Another perk is the fact that, unlike most cereal, Rice Krispies Treats: The Cereal actually fills up the entire boxslash bag with the cereal, instead of it being like 50% air. Yeah, that’s value!
It’s not all tulips and buttercups and sunshine when you take a ride on the Rice Krispies Treats: The Cereal train through marshmallow land (this is why I’m an author: I take you to magical fantasy realms. Of cereal). One big problem with the cereal is the fact that if you treat the box roughly (slam it down, pass it like a football, bench press it, etc.) you can dislodge and then shatter the delicious clumps of treaty goodness found inside, reverting them back to boring old Rice Krispies. Luckily they still retain their slight marshmallow glaze so it isn’t a total loss, but I swear my UPS guy is a total butthole who intentionally throws my box on the porch in an attempt to ruin my fun. How do I know it’s the UPS guy? Because my second package came from FedEx, and all the clumps were intact! FedEx: 1. UPS: 0.
They’re probably just mad because I’m never home every second of their estimated delivery hours of 11 am to 8 pm
Also as you pass over the milk river in this magical land, you might note that it is a pristine white. That’s because Rice Krispies Treats: The Cereal doesn’t gross out your milk like many other cereals. It does leave little bits of…krispies? that can be hard to scoop up with your spoon, but I’ve decided that’s just part of the fun. Now you have to outsmart your cereal, so it’s like a video game mixed with food. INCREDIBLE!
So where can you purchase this wondrous beacon of bowl-joy? Well, it’s currently only available on Amazon.com, and is actually the third highest rated product on the entire site. Yes, so if you didn’t believe me (shame on you!) you have to believe the LEGION. If you have Prime you can get it delivered to your house in two days or less! Every time I ordered it (even when stupid UPS shipped it) it has arrived a day early. So that’s just a bonus!
The problem is that since I bought so much over the past five years, demand has gone up and supply has gone down. That’s just basic economics, folks. Translation is that they’re now absurdly expensive on Amazon, so you might have to go…like…outside to find them (shudder). I haven’t had any luck here on the west coast, but I did manage to find some in Wisconsin, so I guess that’s at least one point in that state’s favor. And trust me, it needs as many points as it can get.
Overall, Rice Krispies Treats: The Cereal is the best cereal mankind has ever developed. Perhaps someday in the future, when the technology allows we will manage to develop a better food that combines with milk in a bowl and is eaten with a spoon. But I’m not holding my breath.
If I gave a star review it would be five out of five. Now go to amazon and buy some.